Secret #16

I think I've finally found "the one."

You know, the one person that you're meant to be with.

But I'm terrified by how much I depend on him.

Not to mention how fast I fell.

I think I need to pull away a bit;

Not much. Just enough for me to rely on myself instead of him.

Secret #15

I'm only 20. I'm so young. My whole life is ahead of me.

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

I might only be 20, but I know what I want.

I may be young, but that doesn't mean I don't understand how things work.

My whole life is behind me. What's in front of me is yet to be seen.

I hate it when people think that I'm "lowering" myself by the choices I make.

If the day ever comes that you spend a day or two in my mind,

Well, then, and only then, may you tell me about my choices.

Secret #14: Lost...

I feel like I've lost all my confidence.

I don't know why, but I can't talk to people.

It's hard for me to find something to say to the guys I want to talk to.

Normally you can't shut me up.

Instead I'm terrified that if I open my mouth I'll get hurt, or hurt someone.

That's not like me.

And it worries me.

Secret #13: What if?

I like him.

Alot.

But I think I might have made a mistake sleeping with him right away.

But he's just so damn adorable.

How could I resist that cute, aggravating smile of his, the one that means he's about to annoy the hell out of me and make me laugh while doing it?

And I'm just so intimidated by him.

I don't know why, but he seems like he's out of reach for me.

I know my girls have said that I'm too pretty for him, but looks aren't what I'm talking about.

What if he realizes that I'm really just that insecure teenage girl who got hurt all those years ago?

What if he realizes that I'm a nerd?

That I don't have the slightest idea what it means to be in a normal, healthy relationship?

What if, what if, what if.

Secret #12: Hope.

I live my life,

From day to day,

Constantly hoping,

Almost never seeing those hopes realized.

But I carry on,

Always hoping for the best.

While it doesn't always end well for me,

I always come out of it stronger.

I know exactly what I want from life,

And I know, roughly, how to get it.

And I'm going for it.

I'm gonna chase it with all my heart, and all my hope.

Secret #11: Matters of the Heart

I never take a chance on a guy.

I never make the first move.

I am terrified to be the first to take a chance.

Why? What if it doesn't work?

And when I do finally work up the courage to take a chance,

To make the first move,

It always, and I mean always, blows up in my face.

Fuck guys.

Fuck love.

I'm done.

No more hope.

No more dreams.

It's over.

My walls are built,

My heart secured.

With my armor intact,

My heart won't be hurt.

Secret #10: Lies

Whatever I might say or do,
I just can't stop thinking of you.
People say it's not worth it,
And maybe they're right.
But I'll be up all night
Just wishing we were together again.
So I'll tell my lies,
Let you think I've moved on;
But really all I want is you,
Just to be with you.


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